What do I get most excited about?, Shane O'Donnell

Coffee brewed, laptop open, fresh document on my screen.

What to write about?

The things I “should” write tug at my mind like an anchor. Intro to mushroom cultivation, how to sterilize substrate, when to pick your mushrooms. Resistance to writing becomes louder. Many people have done it before. Professional content about those topics are available for free. Mine wouldn’t be as good.

And stop.

I have this other piece that I started writing a few months back. It’s about my lab and how I ruined my expensive lab filters trying to clean them. Someone could learn from it. But I don’t know how to hook people in to it. Would it be interesting to the people I want to reach? I close the document, frustrated.

And stop.

Breathe.

Breathe again.

This mode of behaviour isn’t working for me. I’ve sat here, like this, in this state of stuck-ness so many times before. I’m so done with it.

What’s the pattern here? Feelings of inadequacy, I don’t know what to write about. What it it’s not relevant? Even if I knew what to write about, who would want to read it? Even if I can write it, and it’s relevant to someone, what if it’s not catchy and it doesn’t get read?

Sound’s like a lot of What If’s.

I flash back to my 21st birthday. A chance meeting with a woman, I can’t remember her name, only met her the once. She saw I was hurting and armoured from my parent’s still-fresh divorce. She wrote IF in capital letters across the top of a blank page. Downwards from those two letters, she wrote “Instant Failure”. She looked into me. “Every time you stop yourself from doing something that you want because of a What If, you have failed. Dead end. Take a breath and start again. Do that as many times as you need.”

Breathe.

OK, new tactic: what am I most excited about?

Well, I like writing and talking about what I’m learning, or building. I also don’t mind talking about my fuck ups. I usually find them funny after the fact and I do learn a lot from them. I find talking about my fears helps me move past them.

Here is what I am currently learning about or working on:

Rebuilding my steam generator: If something can go wrong, it will
Using my mushroom compost to make mycelium composites and new products with
My control system is acting up. Why is it doing that?
Getting an organic certification for Heartwood Mushrooms
Content creation, generating leads, building sales processes
Medicinal mushroom extraction techniques

Amazing. I can write about those things. That feels exciting! Hell, it’ll I can see writing about those things helping me learning it even faster.

I come back to the thought of “Who am I writing this for?”. I need to write for me first. I need to squeeze out my neurosis.

Now I’m curious, what’s going on underneath this fear? I sink into my body and a thought surfaces:

“I’ll hide in my room and practice, when I come out I will be perfect and people will love me.”

Tension around my belly releases. The indicator that I’ve found a limiting belief. Ok, that’s not serving me anymore. Thank you, and goodbye.

I’m currently on day 3 of writing every morning. This is the first day I’m posting my writing. I’d like to build this into my writing habit.

Atomic Habits by James Clear and Deep Work by Cal Newport have inspired me recently.

My current habit stack looks like this:

Wake up
Walk outside for 30 minutes
Make a coffee
Write for 75 minutes

This has been nice, but it doesn’t have the last part of Atomic Habits framework: Make it Satisfying. This corresponds to the reward part of closing the habit loop. I’ve been thinking about that, what does that look like for me in this case? Another coffee? Breakfast? None of those seem appealing enough.

But I know what it is now.

It’s the pride, joy and relief of posting the writing. The final step that I’ve been avoiding. So, moving forward, here is how I’m rewiring my brain to get excited about creating content:

Wake up
Walk outside for 30 minutes
Make a coffee
Write for 75 minutes
Publish my writing

My writing timer went off. How perfect!

See you tomorrow.